When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize