His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
