just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
