nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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