do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
