her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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