I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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