This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
