Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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