just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
