dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
