I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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