I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Randomize
