we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
