About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
