I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
