we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
