Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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