you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
