I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
