You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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