id be glad to
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
