Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
