11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
