I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
