Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
