it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
