My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
