The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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