11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize