My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
