Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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