i just sold back the books i vomitted on
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
