Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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