two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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