you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
