True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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