sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
