Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
