Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
