Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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