i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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