Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
