Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
