i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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