I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize