When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
