I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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