he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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