You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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