Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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