I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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