I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize