A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
