All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize