threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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