and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
