ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
