My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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