Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
