HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize