Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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