you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
