You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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