Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize