A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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