This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
