Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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