Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Quick, to the slutcave!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
