i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
