Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
