How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
