NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
